By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
