At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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