i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Couch. On fire.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
