somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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