Will you blow on my dice?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize