I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
