Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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