can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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