I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
