"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
