I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
