would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's blow job season.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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