You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
