If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
