And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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