The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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