I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
