Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
