I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
