the day after is always just damage control
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
