that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
