You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
