i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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