I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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