you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
