I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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