so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
