im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to make out with him forever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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