It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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