he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
