Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
