What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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