dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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