we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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