just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
