Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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