fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
