we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
