my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
