i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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