I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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