we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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