If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
