Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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