She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
