its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
