shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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