So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
