I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
