She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
