just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
