Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
