Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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