Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
