Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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