My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
