Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
