So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
