Who did Billy Mays play for?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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