fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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