she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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