Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
