Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
