i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
