Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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