the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
