The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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